I give up on titling these blogs cause ive ran out of ideas...

Ive also ran out of opinions and it feels pretty good...

in a sense i have really done that but, really all i have done is realized that conversations dont always have to be so serious and it takes some of the greatest people in my life (mikaela, Kalie, and Valery) to realize that. Im so excited for the summer but, im nervous that i wont be doing much.

I love to go to peoples myspaces and see that they now have I LOVE GOD very big and bright displayed on their profiles. 

Those are the days i snap back into reality of the fact that god is working! 

I love him so much sometimes i forget to breathe.

those moments when i space out, the dangerous moments, the awesome moments, all i am doing is thinking of Jesus Christ. 

I look back on time and i realize how much i love the person i am. 

its been hard lately to really love myself, some days i feel fat, some days i feel skinny, some days i want to eat like a pig, somedays i barely eat at all, somedays i feel like a bitch and some days i feel like an angel. 

But, need to learn to just be okay with what i am and who i am. 

If i am with Jesus and i am growing with him than it shouldnt matter who i am or what i am as long as i stand for God. 

I get encouraged to know that mikaela relys on me for a lot of things... for her questions for her curiosities and her insecurities. Shes really growing on my heart in a different light now. 

She loves jesus with a passion and sometimes it makes me feel good because that kinda positive is always gonna make me smile. 

Lately all i have wanted to do is drive and listen to Bright Eyes. Driving up the mountain is always the best thing and then going down the hill to come back home is even better. 

i hate seeing people pass me by like im going super slow when im going the speed limit. 

But i realize its okay because they are gonna be the ones to get the bad consequences. 

The end.

you had a bad day....

"one thing i've learned is we never feel the heat until we get burned but we try so hard not to die sometimes we forget to appreciate life"-spill canvas

 

I get so comfortable sometimes, that i become pretty naive in a sense. 

I forgot how quickly something could go wrong...

No need to explain my horrible day just know it was horrible!

Why can't life go well for once?

I may be dramatic but im pretty damn sick of being on the defense. 

Why am i being attacked everytime i just make a decision?

I dont think that i make bad decisions because i try my best to make the decision i think god would want me to make. I hope that im not being oblivious to my problems. 

My walls have come back and I dont know how to break them down. I made some progress only for it to be thrown out the window. 

All i know is i was like this before, lethargic, but then i changed it and became just happy with myself and happy with my wonderful Lord and i wouldnt be so quick to pass judgement and I wouldnt immediately think a new friend was going to hurt me in the end but now its back to the first one. 

hah, what a way to boost self esteem and self worth right?

I am tired of hearing dont worry about it, or its okay or whatever people tell you when your sad. 

I want change and I dont know how its going to happen....I am at my wits end and I dont think i can fight for change anymore. 

exhaustion is my worst enemy and my best friend. 

I need the Lord more than i ever have before but, why do i find it so hard to trust him fully?

I know he is faithful and trustworthy and I KNOW HIM, and love him but, yet i lack full complete trust and thats probably one of the most important ones of them all. 

I am hoping and praying i finally get it together.... even if my life sucks still all i need to do is fully trust God. 

Jesus, I am ready to come home.

identity crisis? maybe?

I have come to realize that no matter how much i think that i know about myself i know absolutely nothing at all. i think i am at the stage in my life, where everything is becoming real but, not too real. I realize that who i was a year ago is not who i am today but the person i am going to be tomorrow is not what i am today? i am not sure if that makes any sense at all. I just feel like growing up but, then i realize i am just a kid. I wanna do things that are brilliant but, i dont want to get proud. I want to be perfect in weakness but, I dont want to be weak. These are normal things to be going through as a 16 year old i think but, it makes it twice as hard when you add God into the equation. I need to please him before i please myself but, also what comes along with being a teenager is the whole "its all about me" attitude. Gal i wish that you just woke up and knew who you were. I know what i stand for and that is Jesus but, I am clueless to who the person in the mirror is. So, yeah thats my life lately.