prayer

well, I was greatly impacted by the same old book again, the Signature of Jesus.
Its pretty amazing. I love it so much.
I was reading it today and it just really convicted me. I will pray so much but never really want the answer or at least want the answer God is going to give me. Sometimes i ask for things but i already have my expectations laid out, God does not go with what we expect of him, EVER.
I forget that and so i just keep asking and keep asking and then wonder why later because God gave me the right answer but definitely not what i wanted at the moment.
I think that the harder the times the more thankful I am.
I love that Jesus causes suffering even though i hate it too. It builds me and makes me tough and thats always a good thing.
I need my ass kicked sometimes especially if you heard my prayers lately haha.

Idols

"the Lord your God is a devouring fire; he is a jealous God." Deuteronomy 4:24

God loves me so much that if anything i do anything i think anything i say is not about him, for him, or with him he gets filled with jealousy.

I just keep thinking of relationships i have seen where guys get so possessive and so jealous of their girls it ruins the relationship. I think that in the case of God jealousy is a good thing. Yeah crazy thought, i know. God is jealous and its a good jealousy because it keeps me wanting to calm that fire. I want to put it out! I do not want to put other things in front of God. I hunger for him and him first. That is the right kind of attitude that I need to have more of. When i hear he is a devouring fire and he is jealous it scares me and makes me ask myself, "Who is first right now?"

I love God for the sake of his endless and undying love for me. I have been reading the Signature of Jesus by Brennan Manning and it is just incredible. It reminded me that Christ loves ME so much that even if i was the only one he needed to suffer for he would do it in a heartbeat. When he died on the cross it was not for just a mass of people it was like he died a million deaths for each individual person. I think that is painfully beautiful. I sometimes wonder what the hell he sees in me, why he loves me. I shouldn't have to wonder but i do. It is comforting to know that he loves me and that there are no strings attached to it. He undoubtedly loves me wholly and unconditionally. I just wish i could love him like that.