It's funny

This whole time I forgot about blogging and tried out the talk to a close friend thing ( which was definitely not working out for me) my life just got even more suckier and it just kept building up. So here I am back to square one.

Sometimes, I think that people just don't understand the concept of listen and understand. Just because I am talking to them about some tough situations going on in my life does not mean that I want advice. Most of the time I know the answers, I know exactly what needs to happen but, I can't move past something if I am always shutting down my emotions down and basically telling myself "No, it is not okay to be hurting right now"
Since when was that ever fair? My heart probably hates me because that happens quite frequently.

Anyways, lately I have kind of been angry with God. I have been angry with a lot of things though. I have been angry with God and I know that there is no justifiable reason behind that because God is perfect and LOVING and there is absolutely no reason to be angry with him ever. I am human though so I do get angry and it is occasionally directed at God. I just think that sometimes it is unfair that It does not seem like it is acceptable to other people that I make bad choices. Yes everyone, I AM HUMAN and I make bad choices most of the time. I guess I am just looking for someone to blame, when really there is nobody but myself to blame. I definitely put myself at a higher standard and unfortunately it is one that I have a difficult time reaching. So I can see why other people would too. I am so thankful that I do have a loving God who looks at me and all he sees is the good in me. I love that I can remember that and know that it is 100% true and that keeps me grounded. At the end of the day Gods opinion is the only one that matters to me.

There are no ways to guess how a person is going to be. I might think that I know who I am one day and then the next day I have no idea. Usually, when I feel like things are sucking and not ever going right and it's to the point I would rather crawl into a dark hole instead of walking out that front door, that is when I don't remember who I am.
All the events that have been happening in my life (which I do not need to list) have been eating away at who I am or who I thought I was and it all goes back to this: God makes me who I am. In all of this shit he is growing me and I still believe that in order to be grown into a new stronger person God has to eliminate the Old. For example, when a snake gets a new layer of skin or scales, whatever they have to shed off the old. That is exactly the same concept.
So, I guess I should embrace the suffering, yes?