I have my moments

Today, was very bad.
Sometimes, I have days where I make mistakes that hurt other people.
Today I made a decision that hurt the person I love.

I try, really I do to be a nice person. It has been a big struggle, because I am a very rude person.
Sometimes, I lose control of my self and I get so mad or so hurt or so whatever it kind of takes over and I am no longer being rational.

However, it is a time like this that makes me appreciate what I have.
I can yell at Troy and then take the fuck off without even clarifying the precise reason behind it
and call him like an hour after, because I am sorry and mad at myself for acting so dumb and all he says is "It's okay, you were mad, you are allowed to get mad"

Relationships are hard, anyone who has ever been in one would know that. Sometimes I try to look for the purpose because it gets lost in all the chaos.
I usually find it. Usually.
I know that I can fight with Troy and can feel totally out of control of it and I can feel like nothing was accomplished and that our problems are worse than they were to begin with but, I know that we will work it out. Even when I am feeling sure I want to just end it because that is the easier option, something keeps me from doing it and I am thankful for that everytime because, we will work it out.
We love each other too much to not work it out.

I hate the hard moments, but I always end up getting so much closer to God, and I love that.

I have been reminded lately about God being a common bond among christians. If God is a part of the relationship then even when I hate every thing about a person I can always work it out because God is the strongest part of life, and the strongest part of a relationship. I love that assurance.

Also, I am a rambler. For real.