Relationships

Tonight at church Relationships was the topic, which I have been struggling with all my life.
So, needless to say I was excited to learn something.

I think that I expected to learn but, all I got was a reminder of all the shitty people I have had in my life. It was a battle with myself to focus on the goal to learn something I can change about my own self, because I kept thinking of specific people in my life and what they were not doing for me. Yes it was wrong to think those thoughts but, it helped me come to this realization:
I do not need anyone other than Jesus, he is the truest friend I can have and he will never betray me or hurt me.

I am so hurt by the people I thought were my friends, The friends that supposedly loved Christ, but I don't see that in them anymore.
I see them and I see their love for the world, It is in the way they treat me, or how they treat others who don't completely fit in. I hate that and I don't want a part of it anymore.
It hurts me when I find out that they have been doing things together but, I never get an invite.
It is funny to me that I am expected to be the strong one all of the time (which is not possible) and be there for everyone and the minute I go through something hard who is there for me?
Everyone, runs away when Maquel is hurting.
All of the people I thought would be there for me like I have been for them vanish and I am left to pick up the pieces of my shattered life all alone.
I get a little hurt when I see something on facebook that I wasn't invited to, or when texts and calls go unanswered for a while, and even when I think about how much I miss them but, then I ask myself Why in the hell would I want friends like that around?
I don't. Like Mac said tonight "Quality is better than Quantity"

So, I am back to where I have always been content with just God and then the rest are a blessing, if they are the right true friends.
I am very thankful for the people who have helped me through the most overwhelming times in my life, that I am still recovering from.
I am thankful that Troy and Jenny have realized that I am human and I have breaking points and all I need is love and a shoulder to cry on.
I love God for never changing and always teaching me.