I am confused.

I think that one of the biggest frustrations for me when it comes to God, is the fact that why questions get me nowhere.
Once I start asking why I can't stop.
I don't understand God, and it doesn't help that I am struggling right now.
I've tried for years to understand the good in living with my fucked up family and I came to the conclusion I see none.
I finally got a place to stay and I was loving every minute of it, and my walk with God was going good, I was fully in love with Troy and it just seemed like everything made sense.
About around that time, I had one of the worst times of my life.
Everything came crashing down and it happened so quickly I didn't know what to do but, sleep.
All I knew is that God was there for me, and Troy was right by my side.
Somehow everything got back to decent ground, and I ended up with another amazing place to be. I loved living with Troy, I loved where things were going with us.
But, I was still struggling with God.

Now, everything is so messed up. I am still struggling with God, trying to get back to the right place again. I don't know what I want. I ask those damn why questions and that just ends up making me pissed off at someone.
All I know is that things will be okay because God is good.
I don't believe it but, he's proved me wrong before.