I don't blog very often but when I do...

So life has been pretty crazy for me, I haven't been able to blog much due to body complications. I think it's one of the things that I need to get back into though, along with a million other things.

The last couple years have been a mess. I have been up and I have been down and that is definitely a normal part of growing up and I definitely still have a lot of road left to travel. I can say though that there have been more negative than positive and that's never a good sign. So right now, I am figuring everything out, getting my shit together. I just want to feel good most of the time, I want to be joyful no matter my circumstances, I don't want to be so depressed anymore.
I want other people to be my priority, making them feel good and taken care of.
Being less selfish is always a good thing no matter who you are.
I feel and have been told I am too selfish and for years I have taken that and just been hurt by it and been like is that true? I don't think so, why would she say that about me?
blah blah blah
I should have just taken it whether it was true or not and used it to be a better me.
I just got to stop letting certain things in my life control who I am and how I feel.
I need to be in control of me again.
I want family to be a bigger importance my friend Danny is responsible for that one. (sorry to put him on the spot but I feel it deserves recognition even if people don't even read this stupid thing) I just want to look forward to family get togethers, and holidays, all that jazz.
For the longest time I spent a lot of energy ignoring the family I have because it was too difficult to cope with, easier to ignore I spent my time hoping and searching (probably a little too hard) for someone I could make my own family with and have it a better situation. Which failing is an understatement for whatever I have been accomplishing or not been accomplishing in regards to that, which is another issue altogether.
Basically, long story short I do a lot of avoiding. I avoid any issue that hurts too much. No problem.
Clearly, I had this thing called life so backwards.
Family is forever whether you like it or not, Its always worth fighting for whether it is your own created family or the one you were "forced" with. So fight for it.
A lot of things need to be addressed within myself, but I am hopeful and things will be better, if not for me for everybody that encounters me which is all that matters anyway.