It's okay to be angry with God.

so, I have realized that I can never run away completely. Where I am God will always follow or vice versa.

You know sometimes I really really really really do not like God. I am sure most people would agree with me if they were being honsest. It's a given because the life he challenges us to is so much harder and so much less appealling then the one he tells us to abandon.

I want to do a lot of things in my life (like most people, duh) sometimes I can feel like God is the main reason I don't. I don't always like that fact. In the end, God is the reason anything in my life is being held together.

I sometimes wish Troy could be the center of my life and that I could be the center of his, Yes I do fight this quite frequently. I get jealous of his time. He can't be and I can't be either. It's a humans natural response to the person they love though it happens all the time. The only difference between me and most people is the fact that I fight it instead of giving in to it. I love him but I love my God more. The only reason I even have him in my life and the only reason I love him is because God gave me that and what better way to say thank you but, to honor God with my relationship and my ultimately my life.

I get really frustrated with God because, I have trust issues. I want God to do a lot of things for me, like get me a freaking job already. Lately, my theory on God and job searching has been greatly tested and my faith in it is hard to find. I have felt like I have given my all to him as far as trying to get a job goes and nothing has happened because of it. I am really discouraged and that makes me angry because I feel like it should have been his job to get me one not anything I have done. I am discourgaged and I just don't even want to try anymore. BUT, I do anyways because, God has shown up in the past and with other things today.

The truth of the matter is, Being angry with God is perfectly okay, staying angry with God is not. I can have these different frustrations but, really when I think about what God has done throughout my life these frustrations seem to just seem so damn small.

I read this verse last night that really made this solid for me:
"Commit everything you do to the Lord [No matter what]. Trust him and he will help you."
-Psalm 37:5

I can't ever run competely away because God is my ultimate commitment, he is my husband, my job, my house, my car, my veins, God is my life. That is not something I could turn my back on, especially over some silly frustrations because of my mistrust.

If anything these frustrations only bring me closer, how else am I supposed to work through them?